By Dr. Dot
drdot@drdot.com
www.puredrdot.com

I have been seeing a married man for one year, he often comes to me just for sex. I love him deeply and love our sex life, but I often wonder if he is getting any at home from his wife and/or if I am his only mistress. He says she never fucks him and yet he takes ages to come. What’s wrong with this picture? How can I find out if I am the only one, or at least the only other one?

–Suspicious Sally

You can’t gage how often a man is “getting sex” by how fast he shoots his load. He could be wanking several times a day but have no intercourse, which could make him last a bit longer, or have a few different women, you will never know. Since he cheats on his wife, chances of him being true to you are pretty slim. Take off your rose colored glasses so you can see that attempting to find out where you stand in his sex life is a huge waste of time. You cannot count on or make demands on a borrowed man.

In your last column, you told a man he could improve his penis strength and size by “using it.” You said the penis had muscle. Oh my god—muscle in penile tissue? And you are supposed to be a sex expert? The only muscle that I am aware of is the one between your ears. Get a real job where you won’t misinform people about important health issues…Of course, the idiot that posed the question is but one step above you.

–Amply Endowed

I don’t normally answer already answered questions, but Mr. “Amply Endowed” (all the blood that should be in your brain is obviously in your “ample” appendage), you’ve irritated me like a fucking rash. You seem to be “unaware” of that giant tool you have. There are a few muscles in the cock, one is called the Pubo Coccygeal (PC), which helps maintain an erection and can control premature ejaculation. The width of the penis is determined by two others; the Ischio Cavernous (IC) and Bulbo Cavernous (BC). These two sheets of voluntary muscle wrap around the shaft of the penis like the belts on a radial tire. When pumped and contracted they give added rigidity and thickness to the shaft. As with any of the voluntary muscles, these can be exercised and both their strength and size improved. Like I said “the more you use it the bigger and stronger it gets.” Now, kiss my ass, wanker and stop whining about advice you get for free.

P.S., since when is the size of a man’s cock an “important health issue”?

I have a boyfriend who is incredibly small and I want to break up with him because I can’t feel him when we have sex. So how do I do it without being horrible?

–Don’t Want No Short Dick Mandy

First let me tell you how to avoid this dilemma in the future. After you’ve kissed for a while, give his cock a good squeeze. Whether your man may be too big (sigh) or too small, as in your case, slowly end the make out session and tell him things are moving too fast, you have to go. Now, to let the poor fella down gently, tell him you decided you want to be single again or your ex has won you back. The best way to get rid of any man without hurting his feelings is to tell him, “I’m tired of sex; I just don’t want it anymore.”

My girlfriend of eight months just told me she is pregnant, even though she was on the pill. She claims the antibiotics she was taking was the reason the pill didn’t work. I am freaked out and want to know if this could be true or did she do this
on purpose?

—Petrified Pete

It is true, taking certain antibiotics make the pill less effective. Doubting her about this is not a good idea. All you can do is politely ask her what she plans to do and to avoid this situation in the future. Remember, no glove, no love.