We recently received a letter from a gentlemen going by the name of The Postmaster, or at least calling himself that, complaining about "Smugger." He was good enough to include his number, so I decided to give him a call. When asked about his super-villainous moniker, he revealed his secret origin—he has had numerous letters printed in the Press. The last one, he volunteered, ran on July 14, 2004. I asked him if he was in fact a super-villain. He laughed it off, but I could hear the nervousness and fear tremble through him.

We have located the so-called last letter. He starts off proclaiming that he is a proud employee of the United States Postal Service and then goes off about the maintenance of mailboxes—buildings are responsible for the boxes while the actual locks belong to the postal service. This may be true, or it may be a fiendish trick—we're too close to deadline to care, let alone find out. He follows that up with some praise of the paper.

But here's the twist—that wasn't his last letter. The Postmaster lied, like the villain he doubtless is. In the last screed we found, from later in 2004, he suggests a certain Press writer is unworthy of the vocation, and might be better served to pursue bellhopping or pimping. The writer has taken up this advice and wishes for The Postmaster to know that he is happier for it.