By John Livingstone

THE PAY-OFF The first time I got caught smoking in a baseball stadium, I was 14. My friends and I were sitting behind third base in the upper tier of the half-filled ballpark on a Saturday afternoon, smoking a joint, hoping to catch a foul ball. A staff guy spotted us and yelled angrily that if we were going to smoke pot we should move to the outfield section, which was empty except for a few other groups of stoners.

Deviancy at the stadium (to borrow from the late Daniel Patrick Moynihan) has been defined up since then, and it's been cigarettes that have gotten me into trouble. The historical standard, the etiquette, for when you get caught smoking cigarettes at the stadium is that the first time they catch you, you give them your ticket and they tear it. If they catch you again, you're out.

The game was going well for the home-team crowd on a recent Sunday afternoon. One of the team's stars broke out of an extended slump, hitting a grand slam. Three innings into the game our pitcher was going strong, his sinker dropping off sharply. I decided to go for a smoke, and got caught by stadium staff. The guy asked for my ticket, so I handed it over. Business as usual, until he said: "I've got to throw you out."

"No, you're supposed to tear the ticket the first time," I explained.

"All I can tell you," the guy continues, "is that if you help me out, I'll help you out—10 bucks and you can stay."

So I paid the man. It was then that I noticed that he wasn't wearing his I.D. badge.

I went back to my seat, sat down and told my friends what happened. Opinions were mixed, giving us the opportunity to engage in a little Socratic dialogue. Some opined that it was just another example of me having my head up my ass and getting taken for a sucker. My friend Heather argued that, in a way, it was karmic justice; that I was angry only proved that it's never injustice that hurts.

I took a different tack. It wasn't the lousy 10 dollars; it was the principle of the thing. To prove my point, I'll give you the moral of the story for free: If you smoke at the stadium and staff catches you, make damn sure he's wearing his ID badge before you hand over your ticket. o