By Paul Krassner

GLASS HOUSES Starring in the role of governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger this month called the legislators who refused to vote for his proposed budget "girlie-men."ÊAlthough he was attempting to rabble-rouse the crowd, he unthinkingly insulted women, gays and metrosexuals alike. Countering those charges, Bill Maher on Larry King Live referred to accusations of sexism and homophobia as "fake outrage."

There is a precedent.

Two days after the terrorist attacks on 9/11, Ann Coulter—former aide for the Senate Judiciary Committee, now a professional reactionary and Stepford pundit—wrote in National Review online, "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." The website refused to run her syndicated follow-up column, because it included a reference to "suspicious-looking swarthy males."

Coulter publicly dissed National Review, which had received "a lot of complaints" from sponsors and readers. Her column was then dropped, and the magazine dumped her as a contributing editor. After she was fired, she went on Politically Incorrect and accused National Review of censorship. She also called the editors "girlie-boys."

But the question remains: How do you separate the girlie-boys from the girlie-men? The correct answer: With a shoehorn.

Fox News has a weekly program called News Watch, which presents a group of journalists discussing various controversies in the media. On Saturday, panelist Jane Hall revealed her growing skepticism of Martha Stewart, because she compared herself to Nelson Mandela. Actually, Stewart had contrasted herself to him, indicating that a measly five months was a pittance as opposed to the 26 years that Mandela was imprisoned. Hall's false statement was not contradicted by fellow panelists James Pinkerton, Cal Thomas and Neal Gabler, or by moderator Eric Burns.

When Stewart revealed to Barbara Walters on 20/20 that she was going to research Danbury, which might be her involuntary home for five months, I contacted my own source within the penal system. This is how he responded:

"Boy o' boy, Martha Stewart sure fucked up getting the judge to recommend to the B.O.P. [Bureau of Prisons] that she be sent to FCI [Federal Correctional Institution] Danbury. Danbury is where they send the bad girls. All the scooter tramps, Latina gang-bangers and otherwise crazy, whacked-out broads too vicious to place in camps. Danbury will be a particularly nasty experience for her. I wonder if she's ever contemplated being raped by a woman."

Although that possibility isn't a joking matter, it may not stop late-night tv talk-show hosts—desensitized by their own need to be topical—from including such cheap shots in their monologues. The mere possibility deserves real outrage. o